Roller Coaster

Well, I'm finishing up week 3 of being here, and it's been a crazy one. Although I am actually sick, I'm not homesick, or at least that's what I keep telling myself. So although I somehow end up constantly mentally calculating the time difference back to the West Coast), I honestly think I'm doing okay. 


Today was probably, hands down, one of my worst days here. But I realized, as I was riding the bus home a few hours ago, that I wouldn't want to be any place but in Nantes. As mad and frustrated as I've been with myself the past few days, I really can't imagine leaving anytime soon-- I know I'd hate that even more, because flying back to the US would not only cement the idea that I would have given up, but it would eschew all efforts of actually getting better at French. I guess, in a sense, I'm trying to rationalize my way out of the homesickness state-of-mind, and I've been successful thus far. So, for better or for worse, I'm pulling through and sharing my bad day with you, to laugh at me and tell me what I should have done, because it's reality, and it's tough, but I know it's necessary.


I'll start with a mini-recap of the weekend: Saturday, after my delicious lunch, I walked to meet Lauren and Maddy near Bouffay, where Lauren and I had glace (ice cream) and did some more school-supply shopping. After going home briefly (with the point of telling my family I was planning on going out to dinner with my friends, only to find that no one was home) I left a nice note and walked back to Commerce for dinner in Bouffay with Maddy, Clare, and Lauren. We ended up going to a Kebab place that was alright (though not worth the 6, 50E I paid) and then wandered over to Place Royale while we were waiting for the next night bus as they're only every hour. At Place Royale, however, there was an impromptu concert (and apparently a light show that we had missed) of a group that played a wonderful mix of upbeat jazz with a little hip hop/rap and used a megaphone. Only in France. The lights were glittering on the fountain, it was about 65 degrees, and everyone was just gathered in a semi-circle, sitting on the fountain, on the steps, and standing, listening to it all. It was great. We hit up a gelateria for our second ice cream of the day (why not?!) and as I had felt sick all day, I promptly went to bed for a good 10 hours. Sunday, I woke up, had brioche and tea for breakfast with my family, and walked to the Musée Dobrée (about 30-40 minutes walking) to meet Maddy and Clare, then to a Chinese/Japanese/Thai restaurant where we had some mediocre food for 13 E each. Not worth it. We wanted to head to the LU cookie factory/Lieu Unique, and didn't know where it was, but felt up to a little spontaneity (which is easy with monthly passes for all metro transportation). I remembered it being across a bridge, so we took the tram to the island where we assumed it was. After not passing any signs while on the tram, we hit the end of the tram line, got off and actually looked at a map, only to find that it was two tram stops away (on a different line) from where we started. Naturally. We hopped the next tram back (luckily they are only 4 minutes apart) and headed towards Commerce (where all trams and most buses converge). After reading the schedule, we found that two buses could take us there, so we waited. And waited. And no buses had come. So we waited a little more. Then we realized we were reading the Saturday schedule, not the (even more infrequent) Sunday schedule! Deciding not to wait even more, we walked a half-block to the tram, and decided to just take the tram two stops away (though it would have been only a 15-minute walk or so). Luckily, the tram came promptly, so we hopped on, and about two blocks in, it was having MAJOR braking issues-- we were all bouncing back and forth; so much so, that a girl behind me actually fell straight onto the floor (and my leg)... and then there were technical difficulties. So guess what we did? We WAITED, of course. It was probably only 5 minutes of being stopped or something, but it felt like forever. Finally, we all got off (and it was a packed tram, too) and headed to the Lieu Unique. While we had wanted to climb the LU tower, it is the only thing in all of the Journées de la Patrimoine weekend that you have to pay for (even though it's only a euro), and the line was pretty long. So we decided not to wait (can you blame us?) and poked around the place. They host lots of art expositions and concerts and things for 20-somethings all throughout the year, so we're planning on heading to a couple if we can. Anyway, so we ended up heading back to the tram, so the other two could take their respective trams, and I could walk home. After some crêpes and galettes with my family and a little homework, I crashed again.


So on to today. I should mention that I don't know if I have a fever, but feel miserable in the mornings especially, and the 8 miles of walking over the past two days probably didn't help. But then again, that's la vie française: sickness is normal, you don't go to a doctor unless it's serious, germs are good, and you'll undoubtedly get over it. I had class at the fac at 9:30 this morning, which I checked and verified several times before leaving, and woke up at 8 to make sure I had plenty of time. I left my house at 8:45/8:50 and walked to the tram stop which I had never done before, but it was very enjoyable.
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Let me pause to mention the fact that no open-toed shoes are worn here unless it is over 80 degrees, and that I've worn nothing but Reef flip-flops at school the past two years. So I wore my black closed-toed flats (and, naturally, threw gold sandals in my bag to prepare for the inevitable.) Normally, I wouldn't have done this, but unspoken fashion rules are just something you can't break while in France-- or at least, not if you're trying to fit in, like me. I was consciously looking at everyone's feet today, and I saw ONE pair of open-toed shoes all day, and they were heeled, semi-closed-toe sandals belonging to a fellow American student. Just for perspective.
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So I walked to the tram, took it two stops away with no problems, found my building with no problems (as Maddy and Lauren helped me find it last Friday), and was determined to find Amphi C (a different Amphi C than my other class, as this is the science campus). I walked down the length of a hallway, past lots of waiting students, and no Amphi C. I got up the nerve to ask someone in the stairwell where it was, and her response was a shrug with "Oh, I have no idea where that is." Greaaaat. So I made the walk of shame back down the same hall to the welcome desk, and a very nice lady told me that it was "down a [different] stairwell, around the corner, down the hall, and then directly on your right." I told her thanks, and she said, "oh, I mean on your left!" Promising, right? So I found it with 15 minutes to spare, and did the awkward wait-around-and-pretend-to-look-at-posters thing. I was standing there, tired, coughing, and sweating because I'm pretty certain I had a fever at that point, and just emotionlessly waiting, and this girl comes up to me and asks me what time it is, and I grab my cell phone and it was 9:20 and I could not for the life of me think about translation of the number 20 in the 2 seconds I had. I could think of 30, but I knew not to say that instead because that was what time class started, so I told her it was 9:00 and showed her my phone. She apologetically smiled, said thanks, and walked away. I just wanted to shout, "I'm sick, tired, and I'm not even French! I can't do this!" So there you go. THAT'S what has become of my A's in French. I could write a 5-page analysis of the Count of Monte Cristo in June, and I couldn't even say the number 20 today. Chouette. 


I finally filed into the classroom a few minutes before it started (as I noticed a few people had sort of been coming in and going out), and found that almost ALL seats were occupied. It was kind of like that before my Psych class, so I chalked it up to French weirdness (because if you're on the science track here, you can have like 4 hour blocks of various classes in a room with all the same people but different professors/ subjects... I think). Class started... or continued, which is what it seemed like, but the professor was on Chapter 1, which is normal. He was going over plant models (forever, thank god I already learned this all. Though it was interesting, it didn't seem pharmacological to me) and then the girl who came in late and sat next to me asked me something (in my state of panic I don't remember what, but it was about something being on the first page from earlier) and I said, "Oh I don't know, I wasn't here this morning" (with correct verb conjugations to boot!)  And she laughed (whether at my French or at my obvious misplacement in the class, I'm not sure), then kept taking notes. We moved on to the light spectrum and photosynthesis-- again, stuff I've already covered, but could have been general intro stuff (which is how Psych was last week). When we were let out at 10h35, 15 minutes before my class was supposed to end, I realized this was NOT the biopharmacology class I signed up for! Yeah, it was Amphithéatre C, bâtiment 1 (administratif), but who knows where my real class is/was/should have been. Not me, that's for sure. So I got up to leave, only to realize I had some blisters that had been developing over the course of the previous horrible hour, so I slowly walked to the tram, then from Commerce to IES (maybe a mile total) and up three flights of stairs, only to find myself with bleeding feet and no band-aid in sight. Yeah, it was a lovely day.


Fortunately, I have an actual home to come home to. If I were by myself, I don't think I could make it! While I can't just chat away with my family, I couldn't imagine having to make my own meals after such a draining day. I'm learning lots just being around them, and understood the entire dinner conversation save for one vocabulary word that referred to some part of a sports car. My little sister had her first flute lesson today, so I got to come up to my room and listen to one enfant on his cello in the dining room, one on her flute in the kitchen, and one little four-year-old playing with a tambourine (after showing me her interpretive dance) in her bedroom. Even after hellish days, I love coming home to this cacophony and finally, finally feeling at ease.


As for tomorrow, I plan to sleep in as much as possible, head to IES and ask about what I'm supposed to do about this ridiculous Biopharma class, and get a little homework done in between. This weekend we're headed to Mont-Saint-Michel (which I'm really excited for!) and next Thursday I've got a free ticket to the opera at théatre Graslin where Clare and I have balcony seats in the front. I can't wait to get dressed up for that! Friday morning, after my friends finish with classes, we're planning to head to Paris for the weekend to see our own respective friends/family and sightsee-- though I'm the only one of us four who hasn't yet been there. I cannot wait!


Needless to say, I feel like I've regressed a ton here, and it's kind of disheartening, unfortunately. I'm continuing to get along though, and it hasn't even been a full three weeks, so I'm trying to keep my spirits up. Even if today itself wasn't good, I'm still loving being here in general, so it's definitely worth it. It can't be perfect all the time. While I hate to end on a less-positive note, I want to say that my lack of French has been bothering me so much that I'm taking an English hiatus for a little while (I don't know how long, probably a couple of days). That means no more blogging, emailing, reading, or facebooking in English for me. It's total immersion time!


A bientôt!