Well, here we go. In less than eight hours, I will be leaving Nantes.
Right now, I am sitting in my room, listening to the rain pounding down on the attic roof above me and watching it fall, illuminated by the streetlights three floors below me, just as I have for the past three months. I am sore, a little-- two badly bruised knees from falling down the granite stairs at IES (yes, please laugh... I would have fallen all the way down the circular staircase had Maddy not caught me) and two blistered ankles from two hours of patinoire (ice skating) with my host brothers and sisters this afternoon. My room is completely empty, save for the picture frame on my desk. When I arrived to my room, it was a completely blank slate, minus an array of brochures about Nantes and an empty picture frame for pictures of family or home. For two months, that picture frame on my desk remained empty. I didn't bring pictures of family or friends. All of France was my blank slate. Then, in the beginning of November, I had a small identity crisis (where I felt like I didn't have a personality) and made it my goal to fill that picture frame by the end of the week with whatever I could. It took me thirteen days, but I found three small identical oak leaves and arranged them. I didn't really care what filled it, just that it was filled. To me, it symbolized the fact that I had finally settled in. And now, my picture frame is staring back at me, and I just don't want it to be empty. It took me so long to get to that point to fill it, and in one fell swoop, I can empty its contents and no one will ever know what was there. A lot like my trip.
In my pre-departure (for France) post, I mentioned how I don't do "teary goodbyes", and I think I even mentioned it a few days ago. And for the most part, it is true. I didn't cry when I left my family in Bellevue, and I cried exactly one time since I arrived, within 20 minutes of arrival (due to exhaustion and being awake for 48+ hours, undoubtedly)... until last night. I sat down to write a thank you note to my host family, and had barely gotten past the salutation before the tears started flowing. These are tears that have probably been a long time coming, but they weren't due to stress or sadness or frustration. These were tears I couldn't rationalize my way out of. They were tears of sheer gratitude.
That's probably one thing I've learned the most since I've been here: reconnaissance. I am thankful for the bouleversement of ideas and thoughts and opinions I've experienced since I've been here. I'm stunned by the sheer kindness and simplicity and conviviality of my host family to take in a complete stranger and make me feel so at home. I'm thankful for recognizing my ignorance and learning from it. For having an opportunity like this. For discovering what I love and learning that not only do I have the power to establish my own life in a foreign country (and what an empowering feeling that is!) but I can learn to make friends and really try to let go of my slow-to-warm personality.
I guess, long story short, I just feel good. I've felt good since I've arrived-- minus the bumps and bruises, bien sûr-- but I honestly believe that I have been happier here than I have been in a long time. Here, I've confronted various problems (missed trains, arriving in London with no map or address or cash, navigating the French school system) but haven't been vexed by any of them. I just feel like here, I am a better version of myself. Before arriving, I was more nervous than anything-- how would I adjust? What would life be like? Would it be too much for me? And now, the nerves are gone. I actually feel like an invincible twenty-something, which is great. I have my whole life laying ahead of me, and a million directions to go. And better yet, I get to decide. I get to do it. And I think that's what scares me-- that this change won't be permanent. That I will lose this sense of really feeling like I've discovered a whole other facet of life and won't be able to make it back.
So, encore, I have this blank card laying in front of me, because I lack the proper words (in either language) to express my gratitude to a family who has made me feel like I belong. But I guess it's time to boucle my stay and face the blank slate that rests........
Bisous à tous!
21 December 2009
16 December 2009
Last week in Nantes
"Joyeux sont ceux qui ouvrent ces yeux."
The above quote is actually a graffitied quote on an apartment building I passed on the tram yesterday. Cutting those rebellious French adolescents some slack and ignoring their misuse of the possessive pronoun, the translation is quite beautiful: "Happy are those who open their eyes." This quote is not only an example of the surprisingly poetic graffiti all over Europe, but probably the best reminder I could have for my last week in Nantes. I've worked for the past three months to keep my eyes open to absolutely anything and everything about this mindboggling, busy, happy, welcoming city. But if I can borrow a thought or two from my Ecrivains Français thesis, it's when one settles in to their surroundings and slowly breaks down the barrier of being a foreigner that they start to forget the wonder and amazement of the discovery of a new place.
I have a good five-page update that I already wrote, and I'll post it below, but quite honestly, it is just as exciting to read as it was to write, which is to say, not very. I prefer actually sharing how I feel about this city, and it helps me, too-- because I'm having a hard time leaving it. I'm leaving it in the same way I've left various people throughout life-- people I've run into, with whom I've shared amazing memories and from whom I've learned invaluable lessons-- but I leave them with more of a "see you later" than a teary goodbye. I don't know why I do this, and it doesn't mean that I value my experience or that person/place/thing any less. I guess I just have to trust that I made the most of my time... every sunset, every pâtissérie, every café, every adorable French child and family activity I got to be a part of. I enjoyed it all.
It still hasn't hit me I'm leaving this place. I am worried about studying for my last final (International Trade and Globalization) and at the same time, squeezing in the last time I'll be able to have with my amazing friends, finding a gift for and writing a letter to my host family, and seeing if I can actually find time to take some photos of my Nantes for everyone else (which I've been rather bad at lately, I apologize). In a few weeks, I'll be back to watery coffee and eating on the run and have a much less pâtissérie-filled existence, but I guess that will be okay too. It won't be easy for the first few weeks, but it will be okay.
I'm at a loss for what to say, because I don't really know how I feel. It's been freezing cold. I've been walking a lot and eating a lot and just trying to live up my last few days, which means wandering around the city and trying to mentally capture every moment. Even this morning, as I sat and had my customary thé vert and tartines for breakfast, I was watching the steam from the laundry room billow out over the backyard (a floor below us). The trampoline, before black and blue, was a muted grey covered with a thick layer of frost, and all the grass was frozen and crunchy, yet there were a few birds chirping away. It seems like just yesterday (and, en même temps, so long ago) that I was out in the backyard, holding both of my then-four-and-a-half-year-old host sister's hands because she couldn't jump by herself, and giving piggyback rides to the kids between le trampo and the seuil (I love that word; it means "threshold"), exhausting ourselves for the hour before dinner. Back when it was warm out, back before I had homework, back when barefooted-feet were not lacking their chaussons. And now, upstairs in our cozy, warm house, I heard my host mom rushing two kids out the door ("Les bonnets! Les gants! Les manteaux! Depêchez-vous! On file!") and my almost-five-year-old sister a floor above, pretending her dolls were getting married and singing away as she was changing for ballet class. That is what I'll miss. The food, the people, the culture... they're all part of it. They're a huge part of it. But the actual home that I got to be a part of, everything I got to experience... that is beyond compare.
So for now, I'm back to the books and to living my life with my host family for the last few days I have. And even though I have a million things to do (like teach 30 eight-year-olds at my host siblings' elementary school all about American Christmas customs, for example, because I am basically up for show-and-tell tomorrow, followed several hours later by my final), I keep telling myself, "Après l'effort, le réconfort." (After the effort, relaxation.) After tomorrow, I have three full days with my host family, followed by two wonderful weeks with my mom and Kelly. I have a lot to look forward to, and a lot still left to do... so for these last four days, I'm continuing to keep my eyes open to absorb every masked emotion (these are the French, after all), every encounter, every gorgeous scene that has been part of my daily routine. Ohh la vie française, tu me manqueras...
A plus!
Sarah
A plus!
Sarah
A solid week's worth of updates
The past few days have been busy cramming for both my big tests: the oral exams at the University of Nantes. I had Psychologie Cognitive yesterday afternoon, and Pharmacologie today. Quite honestly, I will never totally be prepared for the French. Just when I think I have think I've got everything under control, something pops up. Things like "Surprise, your pharmaco test is in 3.5 days!" Or "Guess what, you're going to wake up and have a bad cold all this week!" Or "You're looking for room 114? Well there's two room 114's here. I only know where (the wrong) one is. Sorry!" And just when I think I have made it the whole semester without getting hit on by Frenchmen (aside from several drunken comments, no confrontations had been made)... I don't quite make it. And then I laughed all the way home.
Wednesday I continued my pâtissérie tour of Nantes with a chou à la crème au praline from Debotté (kind of like the picture below, but no chocolate and nuts instead. I realized later it's basically a cream puff. But a cream puff à la Française, therefore better. And in a matter of weeks, I will no longer have my excuse of being in France to indulge every culinary whim, so I am continuing to live it up.) Thankfully, Clare and I walked back from the gare to get to our class at the médiathèque, so we walked off maybe a few bites...
Wednesday I continued my pâtissérie tour of Nantes with a chou à la crème au praline from Debotté (kind of like the picture below, but no chocolate and nuts instead. I realized later it's basically a cream puff. But a cream puff à la Française, therefore better. And in a matter of weeks, I will no longer have my excuse of being in France to indulge every culinary whim, so I am continuing to live it up.) Thankfully, Clare and I walked back from the gare to get to our class at the médiathèque, so we walked off maybe a few bites...
I spent all of Wednesday night studying Psychology and being annoyed that I still had to wake up sick with a cold at 6:30am for Pharmacology, just in case Thursday's material was on Friday's oral. Better safe than sorry, right? After that lovely three hours (which I actually do enjoy, because it's more clinical than science classes at Santa Clara), I spent another hour and a half on psychologie in the Bibliothèque Universitaire (library) and grabbed lunch. Half an hour before my test, I met with the IES students who I was taking the oral with. On the way into the building, we saw two of our three professors outside on their smoke break. While they were smoking, we were cramming for another 20 minutes, and then we filed into the room for our exam.
We ended up doing a tirage au sort, or drawing names, to see which professor would administer an oral exam/interview which student. I got our most recent professor (who taught us Cognitive Neuropsychology) and before I continue, let me describe him: a tall, skinny man who looks like he's in his mid-40's at the oldest, and he always wears black skinny jeans, a gray military coat, a black striped scarf, and black fingerless gloves. He has a shaggy haircut with a sideswept kind of lock in the front with a big streak of gray. Basically, you can tell he misses his punk rock glory days of the 80s. Even more confusing, he's very smart and was very on top of it in communicating with us, but doesn't seem very academic. (This is France. You can't pinpoint ANYTHING or précise une idée to save your life.) So I sit down, expecting several questions about his course. Given a structured setting, I was ready to rattle off anything. But then, given that this is France, he goes, "So what questions do you have for me?" Me?? You're the teacher! You're the one administering this test! So I shake my head and do that, "Um, no, can we get this started?" look. And he goes, "Okay, well were you confused by anything in the course?" "Non." (awkward silence.) "You understood everything?" "Oui." (awkward silence. Was this a pre-exam interview, or what? Did he want me to just rattle off everything I learned?) So then, not being one for awkward staring contests with a professor I had for three weeks, I finally conceded and said, "La mémoire." (memory) And he said, "What about it?" And, as I already understood it, I made up something. The following ten minutes were basically glorified office hours: he drew up a sketch of le modularité de la mémoire and we discussed localized brain traumas and everything was great. I was still kind of waiting for a test. Then he asks me what I study in the US. I say Biology. He asks me what I want to do. I say perhaps become a doctor. He tells me about how his daughter is older than me and in the fac de médecine and studying Endocrinology. Cool. Then he asks me where I'm from. I say Seattle. The other professor walks in because the other students have finished. M. Jagot says he'll be done in two minutes, then turns to me and says, "Ahh... Nirvana!" "Ah oui, ils viennent de Seattle." (Yes, they're from Seattle.) "Et, euh, Kurt Cobain!" "Ah oui, lui aussi."(Oh yeah, him too.) And then he goes, "Well, bon, I think you did well. You seem to understand things. Bonne rentrée!"
Then he told us we got A's. And that was the end of exam 1.
So all of Thursday night was devoted to rewriting my 30 pages of pharmacologie notes. I spent a good 5 hours reviewing, rewriting, researching things in English, and just trying to get a grasp on anything. I was that tired, miserable, your-host-mom-has-to-bring-you-a-box-of-tissues-because-you-keep-getting-up, I'd-sit-by-the-fire-but-I've-already-got-a-fever kind of sick, so I was out cold by 11:30pm. Friday morning, I reviewed all but 5 pages of my notes over breakfast (my host dad brought fresh dried fruit from Morocco, as he got back last night) and finally headed to the fac. My exam was at 10:30, but I arrived at 10-- again, especially when it comes to a ridiculous class like that, better safe than sorry. I was armed with "Salle 114: TP (lab) de Physiologie" and made the trek. I found one salle 114, but it didn't look like a lab, so I figured that couldn't be it. I walked back down the two flights of stairs in my boots, wool sweater, scarf, and coat (because it was 3 degrees C when I left) and wouldn't you know, but the amphis are actually in the sous-sol, or basement and across from a building that looked like it had labs. And it did have labs! In fact, it had a ton of labs. It had the TP de Physiologie Naturelle, and it had a small staircase leading up to a landing with four doors. And wouldn't you know, but they were salles 110, 112, 113, and 115. So I walked back down one flight of stairs, to the other building, and back up the other three flights, to the reception desk to ask for salle 114. She told me to go to the end of the hallway, two flights down, and it'd be on my left. I did that, and that got me absolutely nowhere. Not even to the wrong salle 114. So I went all the way back up the two flights and asked the same lady specifically for the TP Physiologie salle 114, not whatever the other one is. And her response: "Oh! Je n'ai aucune idée!" (Oh, I have no idea!) Well, merci bien madame la réceptionniste, but you are NO HELP WHATSOEVER. So at this point, I have 5 minutes before my oral exam, five pages left to review, and no freaking clue where I am. I go back to the stupid area of salles every-number-but-114, and (as expected), find nothing. On the verge of exhaustion and tears, I do what has become foolproof to my exploration of Nantes: "Well, there's a staircase I haven't been down, and I've been down all the others at least four times, so what the heck. I'm going for it." I literally think the hand of God was guiding me, because I was 5 minutes late to my exam at this point, and I had just walked into an industrial-looking 2-story atrium with a gigantic cylinder of corrugated metal containing who knows what, and at the end of the hall, I saw the Erasmus student from Mexico with whom I was taking the test, sitting on the floor in a bright red coat, studying. Thank GOD. After a few minutes of cramming, I decided that if I got to pick my own subject, I could master about 2 or 3 of the 5 sections, so I felt better.
The test was about as odd as you can imagine: my professor leads us to a Biology lab, motions us to two stools at a lab bench, sits across the aisle from us, and says, "Okay, now I'm going to test you two together. I'll ask a question and whoever knows the answer will just have to answer first." I'm sorry, since when did final exams become sudden-death Jeopardy competitions? And why did my unmedicated head cold have to make this so much harder? The first few questions, besides being on literally week 3 material, were okay. Since I was obviously the weaker link, Mme Gauthier turns to me and says, "Okay, explain metabotropic receptors." And I literally just looked at her and said, "Je n'en sais rien." (I don't know anything.) So she said, "Okay, ionotropic?" And I managed to bumble my way through a few responses and apply it to something we had studied within the last TWO months because all of the content she asked us about was previous quiz material, aka it was completely pointless for me to attend classes and study all material since October 29. It turned out okay in the end, because the Mexican student Ana admitted that she knew more because she was taking the coordinating discussion and labs that I wasn't in, giving her (and literally every other student in my 250 person class) double the study time for our course material.
I celebrated the end of my fac classes by--what else?-- treating myself to some delicious food! Because I love walking around my city too much to give it up even though I'm sick, I compromised and only walked half the distance to Marché Talensac to check out some famous inexpensive crêpes my host family had raved about... and they did not disappoint! The marché was humming with activity, and it was so wonderful to see all the owners and agriculteurs chatting between their stalls. When I ordered my beurre-sucre-citron (butter-sugar-lemon) crêpe, the woman didn't have any lemons left, so she called over to a man in a nearby vegetable stand. The two were obviously very good friends; she asked him if she could borrow a lemon, and he calls back, "Oui, chef!" (which translates literally to "Yes, captain!" but it's more like "You got it!" or "Yes ma'am!") and brought it over for my crêpe. I got it à emporter (to go), so she folded it up in tin foil so I could do a little shopping at a stall I recognized my host family frequents. For my walk back to IES, I opened my triangular aluminum cadeau to a steaming hot crêpe. And for being sick and walking in the cold weather (minus the pur beurre--pure butter-- they use and advertise with pride), I think a piping hot combo of sugar, butter, and lemon was exactly what the doctor ordered.
After a little resting at home, I headed back out to my favorite kind of holiday celebration: a makeshift one! First Halloween, then Thanksgiving, and now I got to have my first Hanoukka in France! Maddy's host family was in Paris for the weekend, so she invited a few of us over (everyone brought wine, except me, who brought some less-than-traditional crême brûlée). There were three of us Americans, a German girl, and a French girl, all sitting around the kitchen island eating latkes with applesauce (YUM), pasta, and sautéed mushrooms and onions, chatting (in French, of course) for a good few hours. Not only did I have latkes, but I finally had real Riesling wine from Germany (which is their specialty, and delicious) and muscadet, Nantes' regional (sweet) wine that I had been wanting to try. For the first night of Hanukkah, we lit two old birthday candles we found, listened to the Hanukkah prayer (Maddy is that right?) and ended the night with none other than Inglorious Basterds. It was a journée de gourmandise (comme tous les jours), mais c'était parfait! (day of eating a lot of good food (like all days), but it was perfect!)
Saturday was a lazy day that consisted of some studying, sitting by the fireplace, and the family lunch, which is one thing I'm going to miss the most. On the weekends, we eat lunch at 1pm (promptly), and it is always delicious-- this weekend it was some kind of white fish lightly breaded, spread with mustard and seared, served with cooked leeks and carottes, with white wine and clementines and chocolate mousse for dessert. Weekend lunch is always followed by espresso and, this time, a little Lindt chocolate, with a solid hour reserved for "adult time" for us to chat and read the hebdomadaires-- the weekly newspapers, tv guides, and magazines-- that arrive Saturday mornings. Saturday night was movie night, so seven of us curled up downstairs with two big blankets to watch another Louis de Funès comedy, Les Aventures de Rabbi Jacob with some soup, fruit, and kettle corn for dessert.
Sunday was the much-awaited journée Américaine (American day) that all the kids were looking forward to. Honestly, I really wasn't missing the food all that much, because I knew I'd be going back to it much too soon, and at this point, eating American food would 1. make me feel sick and 2. take away three very French meals I could be eating before I leave. Why would I want to do that?? But nevertheless, the kids were all very excited for it. So Sunday morning, when I left my room (still sick) to go downstairs, I could still smell breakfast two floors up, and it brought back so much comfort... memories of those lazy weekend mornings, sitting at the island watching my mom make breakfast and talking about what the two of us had planned for the rest of the weekend. But this time, I came downstairs to six other family members animatedly chatting about one activity or another, coordinating times and figuring out when to do what. We had toast, eggs over-easy (my favorite), and "bacon" (aka Canadian Bacon). Lunch consisted of hotly-contested tomato soup (no one's favorite), croque monsieurs, french fries, Coke Zero, and chocolate cake. Quite possibly the oddest combination of American foods ever. Dinner was, to my surprise, pizza from the nearby pizza place called "Speed Rabbit". Given the oddities of potatoes, lardons, and barbecue sauce on my pizza, it was actually delicious.
Monday afternoon and Tuesday morning were reserved for two of my three finals at IES, which both went well... only a cause for celebration! Clare and I went out for lunch, sat on the steps near the Christmas market at Commerce and, eating with our gloves on, tried to pretend like it wasn't 30 degrees out. We had grand plans to walk over to the Musée de Beaux Arts to escape the cold and finally see all the more well-known and recent paintings that are elsewhere in the museum (that we didn't visit on our Art History excursions), so we walked the good 20 minutes in the freezing cold, only to arrive and find it CLOSED! Of course... tous les Mardi! Why did we not consider it?! So the next order of business was to find warmth-- and fast. Indoors? Yes, but we don't want to pay. Malls? Those don't exist in Nantes (with the exception of the indoor-outdoor Passage Pommeraye). Café? We just ate. So the instinct was none other than IKEA-- a good (heated!) 30 minute tram ride away on the outskirts of town. It's like a museum, right?
We walked around for a good 45 minutes, discovered that is actually attached to a mall, then came back. Next up on the agenda: afternoon thé (tea) at La Cigale, the famous belle-epoque (late 1800s/ early 1900s) restaurant on Place Graslin. After some fresh squeezed orange juice and fruit cake (some combination, huh?) we headed to IES for our last hurrah celebration, where we gorged ourselves on easily 15 or 20 finger foods per person. Delicious.
The last plan for the day was my little brothers' Christmas concert at the cathédrale, which was wonderful. It was absolutely freezing in the cathedral (because wouldn't you know, but the heat broke in it yesterday) but the boys sang so well. I felt like a proud mom watching them and their friends I've met and gotten to know over the past three months, and I loved that I got to share it with my friends, who have heard so much about my family and what they're like.
Just a small complaint about the cold: it is FREEZING here. Because I have to say, it being between 25 and 35 degrees all day is one thing, and that's bad enough. But it's tough to not have a car (aka instant heater to blast), a central heating system, or abundant amounts of appropriate clothing to layer. Instead, I woke up to frost crystallized on my bathroom window, so my 106-year-old house and I are having a love-hate relationship over the inefficiency of radiators to heat rooms, and I have spent my time either in front of the fireplace, curled up under the covers studying, or literally bent over laying on top of my radiator. Needless to say, I have a newfound appreciation for wool and cashmere, and it has nothing to do with luxury or aesthetic... it just works.
08 December 2009
A long story about food
I've started a blog post every day for the past week, but ended it feeling both bored and uninspired. In the spirit of trying to be a decent blogger, here are an assortment of randoms that hopefully capture my week (I apologize in advance for the lack of continuity of thought, just bear with me):
Nothing special happened on Monday besides turning in a 6-page French Lit paper.
Tuesday, I was brought to "Black or White", a small soul food restaurant that has a cult following within IES. It's kind of like burrito mafia. No one really knows where it is, and no one can really explain to other people. I made the 15-minute walk with a few friends who had already been (earlier that day, actually). We crossed the tram tracks to l'île feydeau, went into an alley, and walked in the door of a storefront about 12 feet wide, only to hear, "Hey ladies, what can we get for you?" and I knew we had hit something special.
----
---
Either way, the lack of "American" food in Nantes is quite obvious. Aside from one MacDo, one Pizza Hut, one Domino's, "Burger House" (run by an ex-pat and fellow Seattleite in my quartier) and now, Black or White, there is no down home American cooking. No greasy refried beans and spanish rice or homemade lasagnas or caesar salads. To the best of my knowledge, this is it.
---
So when you're in the middle of having a Franco-American identity crisis, it's weird. I don't really need to think ahead if I need to say something anymore, which is refreshing, but I'm still less inclined to speak English in some situations. It was the oddest thing, to walk into what I believe to be the only burrito-serving restaurant in Nantes and hear two black women (one American, one British) unabashedly speaking English. Maddy and I stood in the restaurant ("restaurant" being a relative term, I believe the place is a converted kebaberie), a little dumbfounded: no menu, no prices, no signage of any sort. No kitchen in the back. Looking to our veteran friend Kari for help, she said, "Just ask for a burrito", and I almost laughed. That's it?! Just "a burrito"? I felt like I was going to be laughed at; I mean, isn't that like going up to the register at Starbucks and saying, "Hi, I'd like a coffee"? What's in the burrito? What is it like? There's not even a picture? Even though the counter is right there, we can't even see them making it. Maybe there's a reason there's only one burrito place in Nantes... but despite my reservations, I ended up saying, "Umm... I'd like a burrito....?" It was so odd. This isn't America; you can't have it your way... you can't pick just beans or no tomatoes or extra cheese, because it doesn't work like that. This is France: you wait a good 5 or 10 minutes at the counter because they're chatting and you can't even watch them make it. The result, a 3, 50E burrito, was not bad at all. (But it all just gets less interesting from there. I ate it. I enjoyed it. It was my second lunch of the day. We also discovered the delicious but alcohol-less vin chaud (spiced wine) at the marchés de Noël. End of story.)
----
I know I've mentioned this before, but the American influence in Nantes is something that I have struggled to comprehend since arriving. The words "yes", "stop", and "okay" are now French words fluently used in everyday life. Despite subject matter of Madame Figaro covering celebrities like Robert Pattinson and Rachel McAdams, magazines tout article titles like "les best of l'hiver" or even "Diamonds are forever" (without translation). Linguistically, it never ceases to surprise me that the French, who have an entire académie Française dedicated to the upkeep and regulation of the French language, have so openly accepted the use of English words in everyday vocabulary. Similar to the use of British voices in Mercedes commercials to connote class and style, English words or American things are sometimes used in the same way: they apportent a similar feeling of luxe. And paradoxically, the upper echelon (as I wrote that I realized that "echelon" has a French root) of French society is created by those who respect the art of the French language itself, protecting the style soutenu from wandering foreign phrases begging their way into another culture.
---
In Nantes, the paradox is simply downsized: English is, more or less, considered a novelty. While they may disapprove of Americans (another stereotype I can dispel later), the language is still exotic enough to be, well, cool. So it's been weird to understand literally everything I see on signs or advertisements, and I wonder if they understand it all too. Is it popular because they don't know exactly what it means, or is it just being adopted into their culture? I need to take a psychology of marketing class or something...---
Either way, the lack of "American" food in Nantes is quite obvious. Aside from one MacDo, one Pizza Hut, one Domino's, "Burger House" (run by an ex-pat and fellow Seattleite in my quartier) and now, Black or White, there is no down home American cooking. No greasy refried beans and spanish rice or homemade lasagnas or caesar salads. To the best of my knowledge, this is it.
---
So when you're in the middle of having a Franco-American identity crisis, it's weird. I don't really need to think ahead if I need to say something anymore, which is refreshing, but I'm still less inclined to speak English in some situations. It was the oddest thing, to walk into what I believe to be the only burrito-serving restaurant in Nantes and hear two black women (one American, one British) unabashedly speaking English. Maddy and I stood in the restaurant ("restaurant" being a relative term, I believe the place is a converted kebaberie), a little dumbfounded: no menu, no prices, no signage of any sort. No kitchen in the back. Looking to our veteran friend Kari for help, she said, "Just ask for a burrito", and I almost laughed. That's it?! Just "a burrito"? I felt like I was going to be laughed at; I mean, isn't that like going up to the register at Starbucks and saying, "Hi, I'd like a coffee"? What's in the burrito? What is it like? There's not even a picture? Even though the counter is right there, we can't even see them making it. Maybe there's a reason there's only one burrito place in Nantes... but despite my reservations, I ended up saying, "Umm... I'd like a burrito....?" It was so odd. This isn't America; you can't have it your way... you can't pick just beans or no tomatoes or extra cheese, because it doesn't work like that. This is France: you wait a good 5 or 10 minutes at the counter because they're chatting and you can't even watch them make it. The result, a 3, 50E burrito, was not bad at all. (But it all just gets less interesting from there. I ate it. I enjoyed it. It was my second lunch of the day. We also discovered the delicious but alcohol-less vin chaud (spiced wine) at the marchés de Noël. End of story.)
Wednesday was a day for pumpkin soup, bread, and yogurt. Right before Ecrivains Français, we made a quick jaunt back down to the Marché de Noël for some roasted chestnuts. So worth it.
Thursday, for a goûter (snack), I bought a charlotte framboise from Debotté on Rue Crebillon, which is essentially raspberry mousse with raspberries and sponge cake with dark chocolate on top. I nearly died.
Friday I went shopping at Galéries Lafayette (the French Nordstrom), grabbed coffee at Noops, and spent the night in with the fam; we watched Le premier jour du reste de ta vie, and I definitely recommend it. Even though my host dad, monsieur movie buff, called it boring, it has that wonderful French quality of surprising you and captivating and making you scratch your head and not really understand it all at the same time. It's not pretty; it's of a family with enough difficulties to make you just want to want to turn it off because there's so many problems, but the story is beautiful. It tells the story of one family over the course of five days pinpointed over 12 years (one day for each person in the family). It just came out in the UK, so I don't know if/when it will be out in the US, but I'd say it's Netflix worthy.
Thursday, for a goûter (snack), I bought a charlotte framboise from Debotté on Rue Crebillon, which is essentially raspberry mousse with raspberries and sponge cake with dark chocolate on top. I nearly died.
Friday I went shopping at Galéries Lafayette (the French Nordstrom), grabbed coffee at Noops, and spent the night in with the fam; we watched Le premier jour du reste de ta vie, and I definitely recommend it. Even though my host dad, monsieur movie buff, called it boring, it has that wonderful French quality of surprising you and captivating and making you scratch your head and not really understand it all at the same time. It's not pretty; it's of a family with enough difficulties to make you just want to want to turn it off because there's so many problems, but the story is beautiful. It tells the story of one family over the course of five days pinpointed over 12 years (one day for each person in the family). It just came out in the UK, so I don't know if/when it will be out in the US, but I'd say it's Netflix worthy.
Things I have learned to live without since I have been abroad:
-a hair dryer (with the exception of three blissful days)
-elevators (with the exception of twice at Whitney's in Paris)
-personal transportation (minus maybe 5 trips with my family)
-using my cell phone about a tenth of the amount I used to
-the concept of time (aside from my 8am class at the fac on Thursdays, I normally shoot to be out of the house an hour before class starts. If I miss the bus (or if the bus misses me) then I walk. The idea of being pressed for time has pretty much dwindled to nothing, and I couldn't be happier. I don't miss being stressed out about time. I've finally realized it gets you nowhere.)
-TV (I watched the news one time my second week here. That's it.)
-everything that has gone on in the United States since September 1st (with the exception of one VMA performance on youtube and one article on Obama/Afghanistan in the DirectNantes newspaper on Thursday.) My only sources of what is happening on in the US government/society are through Facebook and what my host dad tells me.
Things that I have in France/things I have learned to live with/grown to love:
-taking public transportation
-walking four times more than normal
-eating more bread and dairy products than ever before
-eating more than ever before, period.
-being able to go out to a bar and order a kir like it's no big deal... because it's not
-being able to go out to a bar and order a kir like it's no big deal... because it's not
-walking on cobblestones in heels (learned to live with... not necessarily grown to love)
-accepting Franglais as a state of mind
-watching about 2 or 3 movies a week in my movie-loving host family
-graduating to subtitle-less French movies
-daily pâtisseries that turn into things like my "motivational flan" or "mood-boosting charlotte framboise." There's always a reason for a trip to the pâtissérie!
-daily pâtisseries that turn into things like my "motivational flan" or "mood-boosting charlotte framboise." There's always a reason for a trip to the pâtissérie!
-learning my place in an 8-person family (which is somewhere between foreigner, guest, adult, big sister, and nanny... just how I like it)
Funny French stories (that I don't have time to elaborate on):
- The bus literally blew past TEN of us standing at the bus stop on Tuesday. Good thing I don't have class on Tuesdays. "I missed the bus" story #234534.
- I decided to be a true French person and ignore the "road closed" signs and caution tape strung the entire width of the road and follow the old lady in front of me down the street I normally walk on. We get past all the signs (to where this huge crane thing is stationed in the middle of the road with its huge metal feet extending to both sidewalks for stability) and the road is just as busy with pedestrians as if it were open to cars. In sum, I (carrying my huge book bag full of groceries) along with several 80 year old French women all had to literally SQUAT under a steel beam to get through. Yet everyone just crouched, scampered/did that awkward squatting walk with your neck bent so you don't whack your head on a steel beam, got up, brushed themselves off, and continued with their day. It was one of those things where I did it, then laughed to myself the entire way back to IES. Oh, France...
And today, I have to say, my host sister is literally the luckiest 17-year-old I have ever met. For her birthday, we had homemade sushi (maki and nigiri) with something that looked like caviar (how many other types of black fish eggs are there?) and salmon spread and to déguste, just a little something by the name of Veuve Clicquot. Umm... please tell me I am dreaming! Can you believe it?! We had mangoes, pineapple, coconut cakes (to finish the thème Japonais) and for the real dessert... chocolate mousse. WITH SPARKLERS IN THEM. No candles for this family... actual firecracker sparklers in chocolate mousse in martini glasses. I am still dumbfounded by this.
As for finals, here's my wonderful schedule:
Psychologie oral exam, this Thursday 2pm
Pharmacologie oral exam, this Friday 10:30am (that I did not find out about until TODAY because the other professor promised me it would be next week when I asked her to specify)
Ecrivains Français exam, next Monday
Art History exam, next Wednesday
International Commerce exam, next Thursday
Have I mentioned I hate finals?
In other news, I don't want to leave. At all. At all at all at all. This hasn't changed. I'm trying not to think about it. I'm pretending like finals aren't the last exam of the semester. I haven't tried to pack yet. Instead, I found a cheap flight for Spring Break. It's not a silly "oh I like it here" kind of feeling, but an honest belief that I have been happier here than I have for the longest time. Even when I feel self-conscious or disappointed or any other given emotion, it really just doesn't bother me as much. Not here. Nantes doesn't need me, and I know it. I will leave, and new IES students will come in, and the city won't skip a beat. There will be new orientations, new excited Francophile Americans, new things to settle into. My absence won't make a difference. But for the moment at least, I feel like I still need France. I didn't do everything. I still want to speak more with my family. I finally feel comfortable. My skin has finally adjusted to French food and water and face wash. My host siblings have adopted me enough to blame things on me (if that isn't a testament to no longer being a guest, I don't know what is). I sit by the fire here and listen to my 10-year-old host brother play "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" on his violin. I get to brush my 4-year-old host sister's teeth because she wants me to be the one to do it. So it's going to be hard to leave.
Funny French stories (that I don't have time to elaborate on):
- The bus literally blew past TEN of us standing at the bus stop on Tuesday. Good thing I don't have class on Tuesdays. "I missed the bus" story #234534.
- I decided to be a true French person and ignore the "road closed" signs and caution tape strung the entire width of the road and follow the old lady in front of me down the street I normally walk on. We get past all the signs (to where this huge crane thing is stationed in the middle of the road with its huge metal feet extending to both sidewalks for stability) and the road is just as busy with pedestrians as if it were open to cars. In sum, I (carrying my huge book bag full of groceries) along with several 80 year old French women all had to literally SQUAT under a steel beam to get through. Yet everyone just crouched, scampered/did that awkward squatting walk with your neck bent so you don't whack your head on a steel beam, got up, brushed themselves off, and continued with their day. It was one of those things where I did it, then laughed to myself the entire way back to IES. Oh, France...
And today, I have to say, my host sister is literally the luckiest 17-year-old I have ever met. For her birthday, we had homemade sushi (maki and nigiri) with something that looked like caviar (how many other types of black fish eggs are there?) and salmon spread and to déguste, just a little something by the name of Veuve Clicquot. Umm... please tell me I am dreaming! Can you believe it?! We had mangoes, pineapple, coconut cakes (to finish the thème Japonais) and for the real dessert... chocolate mousse. WITH SPARKLERS IN THEM. No candles for this family... actual firecracker sparklers in chocolate mousse in martini glasses. I am still dumbfounded by this.
As for finals, here's my wonderful schedule:
Psychologie oral exam, this Thursday 2pm
Pharmacologie oral exam, this Friday 10:30am (that I did not find out about until TODAY because the other professor promised me it would be next week when I asked her to specify)
Ecrivains Français exam, next Monday
Art History exam, next Wednesday
International Commerce exam, next Thursday
Have I mentioned I hate finals?
In other news, I don't want to leave. At all. At all at all at all. This hasn't changed. I'm trying not to think about it. I'm pretending like finals aren't the last exam of the semester. I haven't tried to pack yet. Instead, I found a cheap flight for Spring Break. It's not a silly "oh I like it here" kind of feeling, but an honest belief that I have been happier here than I have for the longest time. Even when I feel self-conscious or disappointed or any other given emotion, it really just doesn't bother me as much. Not here. Nantes doesn't need me, and I know it. I will leave, and new IES students will come in, and the city won't skip a beat. There will be new orientations, new excited Francophile Americans, new things to settle into. My absence won't make a difference. But for the moment at least, I feel like I still need France. I didn't do everything. I still want to speak more with my family. I finally feel comfortable. My skin has finally adjusted to French food and water and face wash. My host siblings have adopted me enough to blame things on me (if that isn't a testament to no longer being a guest, I don't know what is). I sit by the fire here and listen to my 10-year-old host brother play "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" on his violin. I get to brush my 4-year-old host sister's teeth because she wants me to be the one to do it. So it's going to be hard to leave.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)